POSTED: The Home

Rachel 5

"What are you doing here?” Lahote set me down on my feet inside Dr. McCarty’s office for my one on one. Jake stood with the Dr smiling at me. The anger in my tone sucked the positive vibes right out of the room.



"I asked him to come. I think a family session is in need." The doc spoke for Jake and nodded for Lahote to leave, but I grabbed his arm shaking my head. "I don't want this. I requested no family sessions until I was ready. It was agreed by my other therapist." Lahote looked at me then to the guys and sighed.



"This is out of my jurisdiction Talo." The regret was evident as he backed toward the door opening it. When I looked back to Jake and the Doc they were whispering to one another. I covered my face feeling caged in. "Jake don't force this on me. I thought we had an understanding."



“ We did. But this isn't exactly what you think. We will be doing the talking." Jake walked over to me trying to be comforting, but there was an uneven awkward edge to his tone that freaked me out. Whatever it is I was not ready for it. I didn't need any bad news when I was just starting to get the hang of all this.



"Talking about what exactly?" I asked inching towards the door. I didn't notice Lahote still standing there until I bumped into him. His hands rested on my shoulders then slowly turned me around to face them. "I won't stay unless he does." I surprised even my self when the demand for my PO to be present flew from my mouth. Both Jake and the Doc nodded agreeing and Lahote stood at the back of the room not saying a word. Something about him being there was comforting.



"Rachel, as you know we have had quite a few sessions now, in which during I have closely evaluated you.” I slowly sat down trying to understand exactly what Dr McCarty was trying to get at. Jake was looking at me with his hands pressed together, pushed against his face, his nose buried between the small creases of his hands. “I have come to the conclusion in my professional opinion that you are Bi-Polar. Actually, the correct term would be server Bi-Polar disorder."



“WHAT?” I shoot up out my seat shaking my head waving my arms in front of me. "You are on crack! There is nothing wrong with me like that. My god, all I did was take pills and now I am a nut case?!” I didn't even care that Jake seemed disgusted by my reaction, I was not going to be labeled crazy for the rest of my life for getting high a few times.



"I believe that your drug abuse has triggered it. For the most part, Jake has recalled you as being short tempered growing up and your outburst during out last session were clear signs." I could swear he almost seemed amused while he explained his bullshit diagnoses.



I looked to my brother with betrayal for his part in this. "Jake? You agree with him?" I couldn't believe he would do this to me. How could my own brother believe this crap?

"Rachel, you have a lot of mood swings. You’re either extremely happy, beyond pissed, or so sad that you would attempt take your own life. When dad died something inside you snapped. You’ve changed sis." I could see the concern in his face and at the time, I didn’t care for his concern.



"This isn't your fault, Talo" Said a voice behind me. I had forgotten Lahote was in the room and I looked back at him frowning realizing that everyone in this room thought I was a nut case. I could do this one of two ways. Option one being flip out, cussing them all out proving to them the very point that I am trying to negate, that I am crazy. Or two, I could make them all look like a bunch of dick-less assholes, who have no fucking clue  what they are talking about. I smiled sweetly at all three of them and stood up calmly.



"I can see why you all would come to this conclusion. I have not been exactly sane the past few months. I will comply with everything and anything you need from me." I could have sworn Lahote coughed a laugh. My brow arched glancing back at him daring him to say something against me. All he did was wink at me fold his arms, amused with my
calm behavior.



"That is great Rachel, wow. I was honestly worried this was going to send you into—”

I cut Jake off fighting against myself not to ball my hands into fist and punch the stupid relieved grin off his face. "A bitch fit? Jakey, I get why you are quick to join in with the Quack… I mean doc, but I think maybe you're having a hard time dealing with your own issues at the moment. “I smiled at his confused face and went on. “Like the fact you slept with that psychotic bitch who popped your um… what did she call it?" I used my fingers as quotes keeping my tone calm and steady. "Man Cherry? Not that I really what to know, but what kind of kinky stuff are you into? "



I just kept that smile plastered on my face, giggling to myself while his eyes narrowed as he took a step closer to me. He could say I have a short fuss all he wants but Jacob Black’s fuse would always light up in flames quicker then mine. "Watch yourself Rachel. You don't know that girl or our history." The quiet hiss behind his words assured me I had him. I just had to pinch the nerve a little harder to make him snap like a twig. Game over. Check mate. Win.



"Isn't she my age? Wow, what is she, a child molester? Gross. Maybe you should be the one talking to the good Doctor here or better yet, get checked out for STDs. I mean from the way she talked about it, I would bet you were not her first.”

Jacob shook his head and clenched his jaw. “She is the same age as me and why are we even talking about this?”

I felt Lahote move closer behind me leaning down whispering in my ear. "Knock it off before you make it worse." I looked up at him with an innocent smile, but I could feel the devilish glare flickering in my eyes.

"Rachel, I know what you are doing and that does not work in a case like yours." The Dr. McCarty tried to speak as if he had some sort of authority over me. I turned to face him shrugging my shoulders. "I am only proving a point."



“ And what point is that, Rachel?" The doctor questioned curiously as me scribbled down in his note pad.

I put back on my sweet voice and looked directly at the doctor. "Well for one, my brother couldn't find himself a nice girl to loose it to, so he went for the town slut."



It was written all over Jake’s face, which made me grin with triumph. Snap. Win. “ Damn it Rachel! What the fuck is wrong with you? We are trying to help you and get you back to the way you used to be and you go pulling stupid fucking shit like this! How dare you bring someone into your shit storm just because you can't come to reality that you are not perfect?"



Snap. Lose. "Hold the fuck up, I am the first person to say I am not perfect. Why are you so pushy about me being how I was? Did you ever stop and think, hey maybe that wasn't her and she is just now being herself?” I snapped back loosing at my own game.



"How were you not ever yourself? You had ever opportunity in the world handed to you. You always had everything you could ever want. Why are you acting like you had something taken from you?” He just didn't get it. He never would, even if I spelled it out for him and spoke really slow. I just turned to walk away, but Lahote's hard chest knocked me back a few steps and his dangerous glare made me shiver. He took my wrist, moving me behind him.



"Think about one thing Jacob.” Lahote said, his glare moving between Jake and the Doctor. “She was the chief’s daughter. Her every move was watched, judged, and talked about. If she wasn't perfect, you bet your ass the whole town was gossiping about it. Try being yourself under that amount of pressure." Lahote opened the door, ignoring when Dr. McCarty called out about not being done yet, and led me down the hall, but not directly to my room like I assumed was going to happen.



"I am normal. I am not Bi-Polar." I muttered more to myself then anyone else as I followed his lead. Lahote looked down at me, stopping in front of a door. I leaned against it and he stretched his arms up and leaning forward and catching himself on the door looking down at me with a kind smile.



"Listen, you are a little bi-polar, but truthfully I think everyone is bi-polar to some degree." My lips parted to protest, but he quickly put a finger over them, which I could have licked, but luckily I did have some sort of self-control. "You need to get along with some of the other girls here. I am not saying be BFF’s, but I want to see you have girls to confided in and hangout with. I know you say you don't like some, but I know if you would give it a chance you would have fun with them. That is why I set this up. You trust me right?"



I let out a loud sigh dropping my head back on the wall looking up into his dark eyes seeing the sincerity in them. My hands moved to his shoulders we both stayed silent for a long moment. I had become lost in the enchanting world of mystery that is Paul Lahote’s eyes. I kept telling myself to speak, but I just couldn't get any words out. Lahote shut his eyes dropping his head like he was ashamed of himself. “I’ll make a deal with you…” I finally got the words out, but they were not the ones I had planned to speak.



"What kind of deal?" Lahote pushed himself off the wall putting space between us, I was waiting for his eyes to once again find mine, but he avoiding looking directly at me.



"Let me call you Paul and I'll go in and behave myself.” I don't know it bothered me so much that he didn't allow me to call him by his first name but it did, more and more every day. Lahote eyes snapped up at me he looked puzzled scratching his scruffy beard. “Why does it matter what you call me?"



“ Because it shows that you trust me." I whispered, being honest. Being so formal with him and still being expected to share such intimate details about me and parts of my life made me feel like he didn't really trust me. I know I was just a charge to him, but I always hear all the other girls calling their POS by first name and I didn't understand why I couldn't with him.



"Alright, I do trust you and I guess we are past the whole professional crap huh?" I could feel him grin but I didn't look up because I knew my smile would give me away. Instead I just turned around opening the door to the room where my hand picked friends would be walking in the small room playing out different scenarios in my head.



"Um…?" I turned to face him confused. "So where are these girls you desperately want me to get along with Paul?" He chuckled pointing to the couch for me to sit down. He pulled up a metal fold up chair and dragged it closer, sitting next to me shaking his head amused. "They will be here. They are not as easy as you are and they tend to fight their POs on just about everything. Just wait patiently, Talo."



Once everyone had finally entered the room I sat sitting as far away from the other two as I could manage on the couch crossing my arms in a pout. I was seriously reconsidering this deal. Now that I think about it, I can go back to calling him Lahote. I don’t need friends. Especially not friends like these particularly crazy ones. The new one that was fist fighting naked with her P.O. yesterday and low and behold, my favorite slut was in here too, coming into the room courtesy of her P.O. physically carrying her.

Paul walked over taking a seat in the chair in front of me. "Talo—”

"Ha! I told you she was Talo!" My eyes rolled hearing the slut brag about figuring out who I was. Paul looked over at her with a mean glare before turning his attention back to me, speaking softly. "Talo, I know you think this place won't help and you want to be home, but just look at how that meeting with the Doctor went. Could you do that all day everyday? Without me or sue or anything else as a buffer between you and your brother?"



I knew he was right but I wasn't ready to admit it out loud. I took a moment, but agreed with a slight nod of my head. "Good, now I know these men here, I work with them so from now on all three of us are not your individual parole officers. Not according to us. All three of us are ALL of your parole officers."



"What?!" All three of us sounded shocked and pissed. I was slightly jealous to share my new friend with the other two. Especially Swan. I have seen her with her PO she practically begs him to fuck her. The other girl, Leah or Lee, just looked mean, like she had bitch written all over her face, meaning she will challenge Paul and take his attention away.
Lahote was my parole officer but I felt like he was also my friend. The only one I had left in this planet.



"That is right kids, since the three of you seem to be unable to deal with NOT getting into trouble with each other you have now sealed the deal on three wardens." This had to be some sort of joke. He was not seriously going to let these two assholes have a say on my outcome?



Swan sat up glaring at her PO who would barely look at her. It was easy to say who was really in control there. "Are you fucking kidding me? Mike, this is bullshit and you know it. I don't need three baby sitters.” Swan turned her glare, a more hatful and scary one, to Lee's PO. I couldn't help, but to grin watching her call him out on his shit. "This was your fucking idea, because you get your rocks off by torturing us girls."



I watched her scream at the man, he didn't even blink. I thought Paul was a big Jerk but this guy would be a nightmare to have to deal with. Why would Lahote willingly do this to me? 

His eyes narrowed and his tone dropped to a hard powerful almost growl. "You have almost killed people on four separate occasions.” Good information to have. “You have a blatant disregard for rules, seeing how you snuck into my charges room last night and on top of everything else, I have a serious inquiry on just how close you are with your parole officer." Swan was on her feet in a hot second.



When Mike pushed her back down I found myself shifting in my seat, getting angry for her. These three dicks must get off on the power to control us. Not letting us have a say in anything we do. What was the point of coming here if it's worst then prison would be? "Swan, chill the fuck out. I can't be here all the time and when I am not, they are
right, you need to be looked after."



Lee seemed bored with the argument and to be honest somewhat relieved. But then again if I had her PO full time, I wouldn't mind the change up either.  "Well I may be the only one that is perfectly fine with this arrangement." She said winking at Mike. "However, I still wouldn't wish Sergeant here on anyone, not even my worst enemy."



“ You, Clearwater, are here because it is obvious that I and you have shit to get through, so your headquack thinks it would be a good idea if I wasn't all present in your recovery process. If I comply, I need someone to be watching you while I am not here." My brow arched at the way he talked down to her, shaking my head not agreeing with any of
this. How was any of it so called recovery?



"That is the biggest cop-out I have ever heard." She snapped back. "You would never do what some fucking shrink told you to do."



The discussion was taking a nasty turn I kicked my foot out hitting Paul who looked at me confused. I was ticking my head to the side trying to silently ask him to step in to help and not sit there grinning like an idiot watching a good soap opera. “I got orders because of a call that your fucking queer shrink put in to my department." Quil said, finally coming out with the truth.



"Look, we have worked with Sue to make it so that all chores, fieldtrips, and practically everything else that is to be done while you three are in this house, will be done together."



Mike nodded, giving us all a authorities three second glance. "The only time you are excused is when an individual parole officer or your assigned shrink pulls one of you away."



"Sa se bullshit nèt sou tout pwen." This is complete bullshit. I mutter sure that no one would understand huffing sitting back in my seat crossing my arms when suddenly both girls where staring at me with huge shit eating grins.



  "Èske ou trè enfliyan?" Are you fluent? Swan asked with a laugh looking back at Lee. I nodded grinning having an idea where this was leading.



"Byen, paske m' ap ki pou di osi lontan ke sa a kontra avèk twa gardiens dure, nou pale pa gen anyen nan Angle." Good, because I say that for as long as this deal with three babysitters lasts, we speak nothing of English. I nodded fast smiling loving the idea. When I glanced to Paul he was watching intently trying to figure out what the hell was going on between the three of us.

"Don't you dare look at me like that you trader." I spat out at Lahote I felt let down by him, like all the so called progress we made in trust was a bunch of bullshit. "Talo, knock it off. You said you—” 

I cut him off standing up not even realizing everyone was now watching us. "What? Trust you Paul?! I did I trusted you not to throw me to some psycho wolves!" I pointed to Quil. "That one there beats his charges, like he did Lee the other night. She was screaming like he was going to rape her. You think I am safe with someone like that? Or how about Mr. Smooth over there?" I said nodding to Mike. “You think he’s going to be able to keep his dick in his pants long enough to help me fucking recover? You’re not supposed to just pawn me off like some burden you piece of shit! It's your job, isn't it? Isn't that what you keep fucking telling me, you lying bastard?!" I don't know at what point I started to yell but it must have been when Paul actually dragged me out the room. All I know is one minute we are in that damn room and the next outside on the porch, away from the front doors.



"Are you calm enough to talk like a normal adult?" Lahote was leaning against the railing with his head hung down, not looking at me.

I shook my head still angry at him. "I didn't realize I was too much for you to handle on your own. You have to go and call in bigger dicks to fuck me over." I snapped bringing both my hands to my scalp and pulling at my hair, feeling way to many emotions at once.

Lahote charged at me pinning me to the wall with his body. Everything about his movements said anger, but he let out a breath and there it was again...The worry, the concern.

He cupped my cheeks, looking into my eyes searchingly and shaking his head. "No. Talo I did this to help you, please try to see that. I did this because in some points of our—” He paused stumped for words he just stopped, pressing his forehead to mine once again making my heart break for him. I wanted to hug him, but I know the second I did he would pull away. "I did this because I can handle you, but as much as I don't want to admit this you have a way of handling me too." He backed away turning away from me planting his hands on the deck railing leaning back then pushing himself forward. I watched his right side up pushup as I puzzled over trying to figure out what that he meant.

"You have had a long day Talo. Get some rest. I will see you tomorrow." He said and walked away without even looking back at me. I couldn't speak even if I wanted to. I just walked to my room in a confused state trying to decipher his last comment.



How is it that I handle him? Why are his panties in a bunch over it? Is it because I can relate to him or because he actually sees me as a human and not a file? I am not a file and either is Lee, or Swan. They might be rude as hell and bitchy but we are human. No one should treat us any differently.

In fact I think that is a lesson these boys will have to learn.

POSTED: The Home

Rachel 4

"Talo" He steady temperamental tone has become a sound of familiarity to me, I didn't have to look up to see who was speaking to me. I already knew I was in trouble. How much trouble was the question? Since he used my nick name and not my last name I guessed not too much. Then again I could feel that hard stare glaring down at me while I pushed the food around on my plate.

I couldn't acknowledge him even if I wanted to. I was too caught up in my own safe world to really hear anything or anyone. I was completely checked out, spaced off into a place where I wasn't looked down. Somewhere I was free to be my happy self without anyone having the right to try and take that from me.

"Paul, she is in a very delicate state right now. Please proceed with caution" The soothing whisper from Sue took me back to when my mother was alive. The fact that I was now imagining a life with Sue as my mother had me sinking in deeper to my black hole of make-believe. "I got it Sue."  I watched my plate slowly getting pulled away from me I frowned not having anything to make me look busy now before I sighed to look up to him not daring to try and speak.

"What happened?" He questioned in a cautious tone but I already knew he knew exactly what happened.  His finger drummed along the table annoyingly. He must of caught my disapproval because he drummed harder. "Please stop." I mumbled avoiding his eyes.

"Oh she speaks." His tone was playful but I was not in the mood I pushed myself back from the table getting up. That was when Robocop came out to fuck my day up even more. "Hold it. You do not walk away from me. You have not finished your food. Sit."

"Do I look like a fucking bitch? You think you can snap your fingers and force me to sit and eat THAT" I pointed to the food with a grim frown. Lahote stood up picking the plate up, his eyes stayed heavily on me as he grabbed my hand planting the pate in it. "Put it away and meet me outside.  Don't you dare have me come back in here in 10 minutes looking for you?"

"Whatever Robodick" I muttered frustrated walking to the back of the kitchen thankful I didn't need to eat that crap. Sue was in the kitchen and took my plate she smiled sadly at me. I would have asked why she was upset but at the moment I really didn't care. I was betting it was because of my one on one session today.

Lahote was standing by his car with the back door open perched against the driver door, his arms crossed over his chest. I stopped in front of the door grinning but Lahote was not.

"Mike look they are leaving, why don't you take me for a ride. Or better yet I can ride you" I looked behind me to see that swan chick looking out the door at me with a fuck me grin. I rolled my eyes shaking my head when Lahote's throat clearing forced me to look back at him.

"Get in Black." His hand gestured to the back seat I took a few steps stopping before getting in to look at him. "What no cuffs? I can't tell how much trouble I'm really in are you taking me to Jail?" Honestly speaking I couldn't figure out what the angle is right now.

"Should I be?" Sgt Lahote helped me in the back seat waiting for me to buckle up my shoulder shrugged and he shut the car door getting in, his eyes instantly caught mine from the review mirror while he started the car. "How about we get some real food, its easier to talk with a full stomach."

" I am not hungry."  I muttered like a disobedient child, Sgt Lahote shot me a warning glare from the mirror making me fall in the back of the seat crossing my arms. "I am not asking if you are hungry now am I." I couldn't help but to laugh shaking my head. " No I guess not. Maybe Jerkface could take notes from you and not ask so many questions. Not like he listens to my answers. I mean who the hell ask how you feel and when you answer contracts and tells you that you feel something different. Why not just save me the time and write down how you all think I should feel and get on with the day."

Letting out a frustrated sigh I leaned my head back liking the way the cold glass felt against my forehead. "That doesn't sound like it would help you at all." Sgt Lahote gave his two cents while driving us to a diner not to far from the house. "You were very open with the therapist at the rehab from what I am told." Lahote parked the car looking back at me from the review, I shrugged looking back. "I don't want to keep having to repeat the same story over and over, reliving it does not help. Besides He didn't ask he..."Sighs trailing off not wanting to go into more detail. Lahote got out of the car opening my door for me.

When I got out Sgt. Lahote put a heavy hand on my shoulder giving it a tight squeeze nodding towards the diner. "This place has the best burger and fries you'll ever eat." I laughed when he opened the door for me rubbing his stomach.  As soon as the door opened you could smell all the amazing flavors being cooked. The place was packed actually all you could hear was dishes clinging a loud hum of people talking. The Sgt walked in as if he owned the place nodding to the hostess as he guided me inside. He paused for a moment looking around then grinned putting his hand on the back of my neck walking me towards a woman who smiled wide when she seen Lahote.

"Paul!" she grinned wide at him pulling him into a tight hug. "It's so good to see you. You're a hard man to get a hold of." I stood behind him watching; he wrapped his arms tightly around her and smiled without acknowledging me. "I have been busy with work and all. You think I can get a couple burgers to go?"  The woman looked at me then back to Sgt. Lahote her brow arched and reluctantly nodded. "Oh course. Let me go get that started for you." She smiled sadly back at me and walked away. I had questions but the way Lahote ran his fingers through his hair looking around made me feel sad for him.

"Have a seat Black, Right over there by the window. I'll be back." I could tell by the tone in his voice that he was testing me, he didn't know it but I don't think I could truly defy him even if I wanted to so I went and sat down while he went back and talked to the lady. I was curious to know what we were doing here or why he even took me out after what I did to the quake back at the house, but I was more curious about his story. Sgt. Lahote was mysterious and hard to see through his dark eyes. Most people aren't like that unless something has happened to them.

"On our feet Black lets go." Lahote walked back over carrying a couple bags the lady he was talking to rushed over before we walked out she looked like she wanted to say more then what she actually said. "I hope you enjoy, take care." I didn't know what to say; luckily he spoke for me, towing me out to the car. "She will, I can promise that on both." He winked at her and opened the car door for me to get in back again handing me the bags of food.

"Can't I sit up front?" I feel weird with you driving and me back here. "I asked when he got in, he didn't look up at me just nodded once. I tossed the bags of food on his lap and climbed over the seats to the front earn a chuckle from him. "You could have walked around."

"And risk Mr RoboCop thinking I was escaping. Ha No I'm good." I teased taking the food back opening the bag. "Who was that lady?" Lahote pulled out the drive way, I popped a fry in my mouth looking at him offering him one. Lahote took the fry keeping his eyes on the road. "An old friend." The distances in his tone took me back.  I figured that would be a good place to end my questions. He didn't force me to talk about stuff so I wouldn't do the same. Though thinking about it I wouldn't be able to force him to do anything like he could do with me.

When I realized where he was headed I squealed overly excited. We drove down the long curvy road to the beach. My most absolute favorite place to go.  "You’re taking me to the beach!" I didn't mean to scream out. Lahote laughed nodding. "Yeah, your brother said you used to come here when you where stressed to calm yourself down. We will call it probation therapy. "

As soon as the car stopped I flung my door open jumping out running down to the shore line kicking my shoes off feeling so much better as the sand wiggled between my toes. It was as if a huge weight was lifted from me.  When I looked back Lahote had his hands locked behind his head watching me walking slowly down to meet me at the shore line. I flopped down on the sand looking out at the angry waves.

"Well if I knew it was that easy to make you smile I would have brought you here day one." Lahote chuckled kneeling down beside me, my eyes sideways glanced at him not say anything just wanting to enjoy being outside, watching the waves break. I wanted to enjoy feeling normal for once. "I remember the first time I saw you was here. About 90 percent of the times I saw you, all where here."

Looking at him confused I took a deep breath. "You remember me and I still only remember you as the guy who hung out with Jake. I'm pretty self-involved huh?"  He smiled and shrugged his shoulders. "No, you were a kid; I think your friends were the influence.  I remember once you were here alone and some fish or something washed up. Anyone else would have walked by but you checked if it was alive then helped it back in the water."

"So, what's your point?" I asked sinking my feet deeper into the sand. “I don't think you have ever really had the chance to be yourself. Or get to know yourself. It's why you’re so confused. You never had anyone to just be yourself around."  My shoulders shrugged hugging my knees keeping my eyes on the sand. "I guess no one has ever been interested in the real me.”

"Well I am." Lahote handed me a burger, I didn't think twice it looked so good I started to eat it right away.  I herd him laugh at me but I didn't care it was amazing compared to all the hospital and cheap food I have been feed for the past few months.

Once we finished I looked over at him and sighed. "I didn't mean to exactly cuss the guy out, or throw his dumb degree at him."  I started but kept my eyes on the water. "He asked why I felt I needed the pills after my dad died. I said it started out with me unable to sleep and just not able to really admit to myself he was gone. He told me no. He said No that's not why I did and to stop lying to myself." I stopped when I herd my own tone crack closing my eyes putting all my focus on the crash of the waves.

"Why would he think your lying to yourself?" He asked reluctantly. "Because he read the other therapist notes I guess. He told me I will never recover because I am not brave enough to face any truth on my own that its forced out of me. He said that I'll be in and out of jail unless I started talking to him. I don't like feeling pressured. I don't think he should talk to anyone that way. He thinks he has the right because he has some stupid degree from some unknown collage."

Lahote just sat there listening to me. When I paused he shook his head his eyes seemed far away again, he rubbed the stubble on his chin and sighed. "Why was it easier to talk to the therapist in the rehab for you?"  My finger was drawing circles in the sand thinking back to rehab. "Because she didn't force words down my throat and she let me talk and express myself. She guided me but let me figure things out on my own. I guess." I paused for a long moment before turning sitting up on my knees facing Lahote.

"Am I in trouble? Will he send me to jail?" I asked nervously wondering if that was why he was being so nice because or next stop was county. "No. I will take care of it. But next time you're going to melt down use my number Rachel.  Please. I will take care of the Jerkface for you if you promise to call me next time."

I laughed when he called him Jerkface like the time I had earlier. I was smiling so wide that when his eyes found mine and he saw my smile he couldn't help but to grin back at me. "What?" He laughed kicking me with his foot. "You'll take care of it? You’re my big bad protector now?" I feel back on my hands laughing trying to look away but I couldn't. Lahote winked at me then got up offering me a hand, that I gladly took standing up assuming it was time to go.

"The thought of me as your protector is funny to you?" He questioned trying his hardest to be serious but I saw the corner of his mouth twitch upwards. I started to nod and in a blink of an eye Lahote snatched me up taking off towards the water making me scream but laugh at the same time.

"DON'T PLEASE NOT THE WATER PLEASE!" I was trying my best to plea with him but he ran straight to the water up to his ankles. He let his arms jerk as if he was going to drop me but I clung on to him kicking my feet determined to have him go down with me. Lahote laughed harder again jerking his arms as if to drop me. "Say I am a good protector!" he chuckled not letting me go I snorted a laugh unable to speak. "Say it or I'll drop you!" He demanded again I was nodding but no words came out between my laughing and attempts to breathe. "Say it. Say it now or I'll toss you in with the fishes."

"You're a good one" I laughed to hard to get out the proper words. Lahote dipped me down letting the ends of my hair get wet; I screamed not wanting to mess my hair up. "Ok ok You're the best protector!" Lahote laughed finally setting me down on my feet. I kicked some water at him and took off running towards the car. Sgt Lahote chased after me but I won the race. We both stood by the car out of breath still laughing; he checked the time then nodded for me to get in the car.

"We need to head back." I frowned when he opened the car door waiting for me to open mine and get in. "We can come back but next time it will be on a good behavior visit. Today was just to give you some room to breathe a little alright?"

"Yeah ok. I guess we won't be coming back. “I teased noticing a picture on his dash board of a beautiful woman. Lahote was starting the car shaking his head smiling but disapproving. I leaned over grabbing the picture before he could react. "Who is this?" I studied the picture not noticing Lahote tense up while driving. That was when I noticed the ring on his finger.  "Is she your wife? You're married?"

"Yeah" He didn't give me a straight answer his whole mood changed making me think maybe there was trouble at home. I handed the picture back keeping quiet the rest of the way to the home feeling as if I did or said something wrong.

When we got back to the house we both got out, Lahote walked me to the staircase stopping me before we went up. "Talo, I was serious when I said to call me for anything, even if you need to talk before you do something you regret, don't hesitate." I nodded still feeling like I over stepped a line or something and ran up the stairs. Lahote didn't walk out the house he walked towards the shrinks’ office which made me more nervous wondering what exactly he was up to.

When I got to my room there was flowers on my dresser, I shut the door then found the card that came with them. Sis’ I am sorry for being an ass and trying to push you. We don't have to do anything you are not ready for. Love you always, Jacob.'

I smelled the flowers moving them to the night stand sitting on my bed rubbing my face and leaning back on the bed oddly jealous that Lahote was married but at the same time glad he had found that special person in his life. I hope one day when I am done with all this stuff I can find someone to be myself with and be happily in love, married have kids. It gave me something to look forward to.

I’m quickly reminded how far off that dream was though by one of the girls suddenly screaming for help and throwing things around. I wasn’t sure at first if I should go and see, because more often then not here, if a woman is randomly screaming for help, it isn’t because there is anything the rest of the world can see that is attacking her.

Finally I decided to go check it out. I crept out my door and went a few doors down to seeing the Swan chick leaning against the door frame, watching this poor naked woman freak out on everyone. They just got her drugged when I came up behind Swan.

“Whoa, guess she was having a hard time adjusting, huh?” I said, staring at the woman in the room. I couldn’t imagine freaking out so bad that it took three grown men and a needle of drugs to calm me. I wonder what happened in her life to cause her such great pain.

Swan half turned to me and smiled. “So, Rachel…” I didn’t like the way she just said my name. “As it turns out we could have been in-laws at one point.” I didn’t think that was possible but I made myself look interested and listen to her reasoning.
She faced me fully and I could see the malice in her smile. “You see your little brother Jakie and I were fucking like rabbits back in the day.” She said smirking and leaning close to my ear and spoke with a breathiness that made me shiver. “I popped his little man cherry and we fucked all over la push. If I had stayed, who knows, maybe I would have been your sister in law.”
My eyes instantly saw red and I clenched my fists as she turned from me like I was a piece of trash she was done with. Fine bitch, let’s play. I snorted as if I were amused and smirked at her when she turned to look at me. “I doubt that would have happened if you stayed. You see, my brother is chief and everyone in la push knows what a fucked up crazy slut you are, so there would be no way that he would have been with you for longer then it took to use you like the whore that you are.”
She was defiantly going to hit me. I never got into a fight before, but I could see that she was going to hit me. She looked impressed, but yeah, there was a hit coming.
Totally worth it.
I closed my eyes waiting for the hit but instead Paul’s voice chimed into my ear. “You know that this is one of those thing you call me for, right?” I jumped and he physically picked me up and moved me before Swan could get off a good kick. She wasn’t aiming for me, but fighting at random when a big officer, someone I have never seen before, hemmed her up with her hand behind her back. I saw her counselor coming down the hall and smiled to myself as Paul let me away.
Karma bitch. Being bad was a scary kind of fun.

POSTED: The Home

(Signed: Blacksheep Fiction = Swan)

Swan 3

The smell of food turned my stomach again and I pushed my face further into the pillow. The relief lasted for all of two minutes before the door to the room open and then shut again and the smell increased ten fold. “Rise and shine, sleepy head, I have breakfast for you.”

“Fuck off I am not hungry.” I snapped, trying to kick his ass off my bed without success where he had perched.

There was the sound of a tray being set on my night stand and a heavy bounce on the bed before I was being dragged out of my comfy paradise. “What the fuck?”

“You need to get up and to put it mildly, you stink.” He said casually as he carried me to the shower. I started to squirm out of his grasp but he held tight. “Stop it before I drop you. I will stay in there and wash you myself if you don’t behave.”

I narrowed my eyes. “Isn’t that some kind of breech of patient and doctor relationship thing?”

“Not when it’s done clinically and without emotion.” He said, planting me on my feet and turning on the warm water. “Now, are you going to do this the hard way or the easy way?”

I smirked, loving how he just made shit so easy for me. I sat on the shower floor and glared up at him. He sighed and shook his head. “Alright, we are five today. I got it.”

Jared reached over, pulled the shower tab making the water go from the spigot to the sprayer, and it hit me full blast making me gasp. I stayed stubborn though, not moving as the water pelted me. To his credit, he stayed true as well, getting soaked as he peeled my clothes off in a detached way. He scrubbed me down and even did my hair, which I know was a bitch because there were pounds of the stuff and you only get four showers a week at the hospital and I hadn’t gotten any in jail. It took three shampoo and two conditioner rounds to get it clean and unknotted.

When he was satisfied that I was clean, he turned off the water and stepped out of the shower toweling him self off, soaked clothes and all and walked out of the bathroom and into his room, which was easy because, it was a dormer type bathroom, so our bedrooms were connected through it.

He came back with clean dry clothes on and I still sat in the bottom of the shower, glaring at him. He held out the towel as you would to wrap around a child. I stood slowly and stepped out of the shower, ignoring the towel and walking back into my room naked, not giving a damn about the puddles I was making along the way.

I wouldn’t tell him, but I actually felt better having taken a shower. I felt lighter and just… better. Only thing that would make it better would be sprinkling some getting laid into the mix. I turned to Shrinky and smirked. “Hey there Shrinky, how firm are those doctor patient morals of yours?”

He lifted a brow at me and busied himself in the bathroom. I guess being detached and clinic only lasts so long. “Rock solid, Isabella. Get dressed.”

“Don’t call me that.” I grunted out and sighed, flopping on the bed, ignoring his request. “Well damn.” I sat up to my elbows fast though as another thought came to me. “You know, Mike did have a thing for me in high school. I’ll bet I could get him over here for some fun.”

Jared sighed again and pinched the bridge of his nose. “You know I could get Sue in here to dress you. She is kind, but I guarantee she won’t be gentle or sweet about a grown ass woman who refuses to dress herself out of some little childish tantrum.”

My brows rose into my hairline and I smirked at him. “Well, well, well. The doctor does have a set of balls under that dress he wears. His balls are apparently named Sue, but still. The fact that the threat was thrown out is a step in to the manly direction.”

He stomped his way into my room and came right up to the edge of the bed. “You are not a petulant sixteen year old child Isabella. You don’t get to act this way in the normal world and have it be alright with everyone because of what happened to you.” He seethed. I lost all humor in me and suddenly, I wanted to cover up. “What happened was horrible and should never happen to anyone, but it doesn’t give you a free pass!”

I sat up pushing past him and opened my duffle. I rummaged around inside until I came out with a white tank top and gray sweats. It felt like everything was spiraling down into darkness and I was trying to claw my way back out. “You don’t know anything about that.” I choked, trying to shove the clothes over my body in a hurry. I spotted Mike’s business card that he said he had thrown into my bag. “You don’t know anything about anything, you’re like 12, straight out of shrink school!”

I didn’t turn and look, but I could feel Shrinky right behind me. “Yes I do, I have read what happened to you. I researched it non-stop since they handed you to me as my only and high priority case. I have yet to find out why you were so high priority though.” He was speaking calm, but I could hear the fury leaking into his voice. “You act like the world owes you a favor when really; maybe you should be thanking the world for leaving you intact and not ending up like your family.” I covered my ears but he grabbed my wrists and uncovered them again. “You are not the only person in the world to lose their family in such a tragic way. There are people all over the world that had even had it worse, but they are still walking around and surviving each day like a normal person. They are not in and out of mental facilities and jail. They are not treating everyone else like shit just to make themselves feel better!”

I spun on him looking him dead in the eyes and feeling the almost comforting heat rise in my body that signaled the moments before I completely lost it. “You know nothing about it. NOTHING. Give me your phone.” I clenched my teeth when he just stared at me without moving. “Give me your fucking phone.”

Slowly he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small cheap phone. Something I would have called a burner phone when I was on the streets. I flipped it open and dialed Mike’s number from the card he left him my duffle.

“Isabella, if you just get over this—”

“Don’t. Fucking. Call. Me. That!” I ground out. “Fuck you, how about I cut off your fucking balls and then let me repeat to you how you need to get over it.” I snapped.

“Swan?” I had never been so relieved to hear my parole officer’s voice. “Oh god, Mike. Please come get me, this was a mistake. I am about to stab my shrink in the eye with the Chinese hair pick I have in my duffle if you don’t come and get me right now.”

There was soft swearing on the other end before Mike’s smooth voice came back. “Okay is he in front of you right now?”

“Yes.” I said honestly, eying Shrinky contemptuously. He was looking back at me with a cautious look.

“Do you have a weapon on him?”

“No.”

“Hand him the phone.” Mike said gently.

“No.”

Mike sighed. “Swan goddamnit, you know that if he sends one bad report to Tyler and Tyler is feeling even a mite spiteful today, you will be going to prison.”

I growled, feeling the tears run down my face without my permission. “He is talking about my family like he knows what happened!” I yelled. “He doesn’t know me! He doesn’t know them!”

“Give him the phone, Swan.” Mike said, more authority leaking into his calm soothing tone.

I cried out, throwing the phone in frustration and sitting heavily to the floor, just staring straight ahead at nothing. I wanted to feel nothing. I closed my eyes, praying for numbness, but it didn’t come. Instead, came the usual assault of senses from that day. The smell of my father’s cologne, the sound of my mother screaming, the smell of gun powder and blood mixed. 

There was a snapping noise and Jared’s face hovered in front of me. “Isabella, come back here. You’re in La Push home for women. Do you know what day it is? Can you hear me?”

I skittered backwards away from him frowning as I came back into the present time. There was a bang on the door and Jared stood up and opened it, talking low to whoever was on the other side. Finally he moved aside and Mike walked into the room looking around.

I made a desperate noise and was on my feet running at him as soon as I saw him. He caught me, allowing me to wrap myself around him, shaking badly as all my emotion drained from my body. He held me close to him, a hand holding my head to his chest and one at my back practically supporting me.

I felt the stubble from his chin on the top of my head and inhaled the smell on his jacket. It felt slightly damp, which meant it was probably raining outside. He was murmuring softly and stroking my hair. “Its okay, you’re going to be fine, Swan. You’re right, he doesn’t know you. It’s okay.” He put my back to Jared, so he could face him, I guess. “Have you lost you’re fucking mind? What the fuck is wrong with you?” It took me a full three seconds to realize he wasn’t talking to me.

“She needs to learn that the behavior and attitude that she uses to keep herself from coming to grips with the past isn’t acceptable behavior in the normal world.” Shrinky said. His voice was a tad defensive.

Mike sighed rubbing my back and pulling me towards the door as if shielding me from the horrible memories that threatened to invade me. “You don’t fucking start right off the bat forcing her to face this shit outright. Are you a real fucking shrink, because right now you fucking suck at it?”

There was a small room off to the side up stairs, like a second common room, that Mike took me too after we left my room. Shrinky didn’t follow. “Okay your safe now Swan, you can let go.” I shook my head and remained locked around his waist, making him laugh. “You know if people think we are too close, they will assign you another probation officer.”

My grip went slack and I stepped away from him at once, looking up at him with a smirk, before rubbing my face in frustration. “Look, I know it’s pathetic, I am sorry, but you said if I was about to do something wrong I should call you. I was seriously going to shank the fucker.”

He shook his head and reached for my hand holding it lightly. “I am glad you did, I do not want to have to come here to arrest you for murdering your shrink.” He let go of my hand as if he just realized it wasn’t proper behavior of a parole officer and instead ran his fingers through his hair. “Look, you know he is only doing his job right?”

I shrugged sitting down in one of the chairs. There were noises around the house, sounds of the other girls out and about I supposed. Not like it was a bright beautiful morning, according to view from the window in here, it looked like it was pouring again. “Yeah well he came on like molasses and that shit is hard to choke down, you know?”

He smiled slightly and nodded. “Yeah I get it, but you have to try too.”

I rolled my eyes nodding. “Yeah I know.”

Mike sat down next to me and touched my face so that I would look at him. “Don’t you think it’s time? Time to just face this and move on, I mean, you have been carrying this heavy weight of what happened for so long. Look at what it’s done to you so far. Look at where it’s gotten you.”

I sighed, not wanting to agree with him at all. It’s made me strong and able to handle the simple bullshit of life without falling apart. No, it wasn’t time. I smirked at him in a suggestive way. “You know I was going to call you anyways.”

Mike frowned at me for avoiding the subject and sighed. “Oh yeah? Why?”

I shrugged leaning closer to him, biting my lip a little. “Well Shrinky in there forced me to take a shower. All manhandling me as he washed me, but when he was done I thought, well now that I am clean, I need a good fuck.”

Mike swallowed audibly and I grinned. “So I thought of all the fun we had in high school and maybe we could use this parole officer thing to our advantage.”

My hand slid up his leg and he shot out of the seat as if someone jabbed his ass with a needle. “Whoa, whoa, whoa there Swan. You know we can’t do anything like that. I will be thrown off this case and you will get some hard ass. Trust me; there are a bunch of them in the department.” 

I sighed and laid back in the chair looking up at him. “Yeah I actually saw one the other day; he cuffed his girl just to sit in a group meeting. This chick wasn’t even like psycho or anything. In fact she reminded me of the Chief’s Talo from back in the day.” I snorted. “I like you a lot Mike, but if you cuff me for no reason, I will kick your ass.”

He grinned at me and offered a hand so I could stand. I took it and we headed down stairs. “You hungry?”

I shook my head violently and covered my belly. “Oh god no. Shrinky drugged me with Ativan last night and that is still fucking up my stomach today.” I explained, letting him lead me to the porch. He stopped me by the railing and turned me around to face him again.

I watched as he dropped to one knee, checking my ankle monitor. He was already different in the few seconds it took to get outside. He was tense and had a pissed off air about him now. I could see the muscle in his neck ticking. I frowned at him when he stood up, poking the muscle with my index finger. “Why so serious?” I joked.

He shook his head running his fingers through his hair again before pulling a new pack of smokes out of his jacket pocket and handing them to me. “Here I got you these last night; I figured that you would need them today.”

I took them, but was still looking at his tense face. “Thank you, but that isn’t going to make me forget I just asked you what was wrong.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “Okay so let me get this right, in less then 24 hours that you have been in this house, you were drugged, manhandled and physically washed and then berated for not coming to grips with watching your family get murdered right in front of you?”

I thought it over and nodded as I pulled a cigarette out and held my hand out for a lighter I knew he had. “Yeah that is about the size of it.”

Mike handed me the lighter and rubbed his face. “Look, I am going to have to go up and speak with this kid before I go. Are you going to be okay out here?”

I nodded shooing him along. “Yeah I am a big girl, I can handle being on my own out here for a while.”

He put his hands up in surrender and headed for the door. “Alright, alright, I am right inside if you need me.”

I sat in the old rocker I was in the night before and looked over the railing at the heaps of water falling down today. It would have been a beautiful day for a walk, if allowed to move more then 200 feet from the grounds that is. If Mike kills my shrink, I wonder if I will be given another, or they will just give up on me all together.

There was talking to my left, arguing really between two guys and some chick. I stared openly, enjoying the entertainment when I realized it was the shy chick and her over zealous parole officer, but who was…

“Jacob Black?” I said out loud before I could even stop myself. The shy chick and her parole officer took the opportunity to talk amongst themselves and the other man turned and looked at me. There wasn’t much time spent on my face before I could practically see the light bulb switch on.

“Isabella Swan, as I live and breathe, holy shit it’s you.” He said stepping forward holding out his arms. I went straight for him hugging him tightly and wrapping my legs around his waist laughing.

“Oh Jakie! What the hell are you doing here?” I mumbled into his neck, relishing the good memories that came from his embrace.

He grinned, pulling back some, but still holding me. “My sister is here, I was just visiting.” He shook his head as if still trying to comprehend my appearance in front of him. He finally set me on my feet again and I grinned up at him. “Well damn girl, time has done you very good.”

I grinned spinning as if I weren’t in old gray sweats and a white tank. I looked him over and bit my lip. “I could definitely say the same for you. Damn Black, I’ll bet you got either a brothel of women or a wife with forty kids.”

He shook is head, taking my hand and leading me along the deck for a walk. “No, actually, since dad died, I have just taken over as Chief; I am also on the police force, so I haven’t really had time to have either.”

My jaw dropped and I looked over at him as we walked. “A police officer? Jacob Black, you are not a police officer, how do you live with yourself knowing what we used to do?” I lowered my voice and leaned closer to him conspiratorially. “We used to break into the school so that we could get out of the rain, smoke weed in the nap room, and fuck on those little mats they had there!”

He laughed hard and coming to a stop when we ran out of porch to walk on. He turned and faced me smirking mischievously. “Well only I and you know about those things, I could always just off you and the secrets will always be safe.”

I grinned licking my lips. “Or we can go do them together again.”

He leaned in close to my ear, speaking in a breathy whisper that made me shiver. “You don’t have another cherry I can pop for you and I don’t have the rabbit anymore.”

I put a hand to his chest to steady myself and laughed when he moved back some wiggling his brows. “Yeah well I popped your cherry that night too, baby.” I said feigning a glare. “Besides, we did it in more places then the rabbit and the school.”

Jake gave a smirk and shrugged. “Yeah well, you gott’a be sure right?”

I laughed hard. “Be sure that the virginity status was well and gone?”

“Exactly.” He said laughing with me.

“Where the fuck did you go, Swan?” Mikes voice cracked like a whip making me jump. I turned fast, feeling guilty for having told him I would be all right and then wandering off. “You were supposed to stay by the door, no to go wandering off with random people.”

Jake put a hand up in soothing gesture and stepped forward some. “Relax Newton, we are old friends and don’t act like I am some random person, we work for the same police station.”

Mike narrowed his eyes at Jake and shook his head. “No, you are no better then a PI with his dick in his hand, I am a parole officer and you wandered off with my charge.”

Now Jake narrowed his eyes and I knew shit was going to get bad. I came between them, looking at Mike. “Hey, hey its okay Mike, we were just talking and I am sorry about the wandering off thing. I won’t do it again, okay?”

Mike looked at me and grabbed my wrist, pulling me towards the front of the house again. I heard Jake protest, but Mike was too pissed to listen. He walked me right back into the house and started for my room again. “If you are going to make it out of here with out an extension to your sentence or getting kicked out for non-compliance, then you need to listen to what I tell you.”

“He was an old friend, Mike.” I said, finally getting pissed and jerking my arm away. “What is your problem?”

Mike moves us back into the upstairs common room and pushed me against the wall, putting his hands on either side of my head. “You and I are old friends too Swan and I don’t think he would give two shits if you got sent to prison.” He seethed his face close to mine. “I do, however, care. I care a lot and if you get mixed in with another residences family member, you are just asking for trouble, Swan.”

I frowned, nodding some. “But—”

Mike shook his head. “No, no buts’. You stay away from him and any other guy, Swan, I mean it. Normally you don’t even have to ask for trouble, it just finds you, so don’t go searching it out this time. Okay?”

I crossed my arms and sighed. “Fine, alright, I get it.”

He nodded and stepped back taking my arm again, more gently this time and leading me back to my room. Jared stood when we walked in and almost nervously moved his hands about, seemingly unsure to do with them. Mike leaned close to my ear. “Be nice, I have to go to the station, I will be back around dinner.”

I nodded, watching him leave before turning back to look at Jared, who still looked unsure. “I… apologize for my behavior before.”

I nodded and shrugged a shoulder. “Get it, but lets pretend I am a blushing virgin and you need to take it a bit slow, alright?”

He looked away rubbing his neck and I narrowed my eyes grinning slowly. “What’s wrong, you act like you’re the blushing virgin.”

He didn’t say anything, just kept looking at everything but me.

I gasped. “No shit! Really?”

He rolled his eyes and gave a small smirk shrugging. “I am a very dedicated student.”

I came into the room more, sitting on the bed. “Not even some heavy grinding? A blow job? Are you some kind of religious freak saving yourself for marriage?” I gasped a little being dramatic. “Are you gay?”

He sighed running his fingers through his hair. “I really don’t think—”

“If you want me to trust you this cannot be a one way street.” I said calmly, void of any thing other then a matter of fact tone.

His hands went up in surrender. “Alright, alright.” He said immediately. “No, nothing other then kissing and no, I am not a religious freak. I am not gay. I was seriously just a dedicated student.”

I couldn’t help it, I cracked up laughing, which of course mad him frown. We heard Sue down stairs ringing something the equivalent to a cow bell to signal everyone for lunch and I couldn’t help but think, this man was no longer someone I saw as a hurdle, but now I saw him as a challenge. I will get this man laid, even if I had to do it myself.

POSTED: The Home

(Signed: Kyla Lockheart = Rachel)

I started to aimlessly walk around the house after breakfast because quite frankly my room was depressing to me. I tried to open the window to let in some fresh air in to get the addict smell out of the room but once I started to yank at it the old wood started to splinter and crack so I gave up before I ended up breaking it and getting blamed for trying to escape.

There was no TV allowed in the rooms and I had no books so really all I could do was sit on the ledge of my window. Watching everyone walking in and out of the house leading a normal life It almost gave me hope but then I reminded myself how I got into this mess and I was back to being sure normal is a life I'll never have again.  Once you lose it the way I did you'll never look at life the same again.

All my clothes were still trashed around on the floor. I had absolutely no intention of picking them up anytime soon so I picked an outfit from the pile and stepped over the rest changing for a second time out of boredom.  I had to kick a pair of jeans clear across the room to open my door and walk out. A lot of the girls seemed happy, most of them hung out together. The whole house seemed filled with laughter. I actually liked the light mood of the house today as I explored the different areas.

"Don't be afraid to show your soul. No one can take your words from you. It's the greatest power you can have." A man passionately spoke to a small class of women. I stopped to glance in trying my hardest not to be seen or draw any attention to myself.  It must have been some sort of class for writing. I looked around the walls seeing a bunch of inspirational quotes scattered around. ‘Be Strong. Because things will get better, things might be stormy now but it never rains forever.'  'Remind yourself its ok not to be perfect' 'When the sun goes down the stars will come out'

"Hello there, Would you like to join us?" A gentle voice caught my attention; I hadn't even noticed I wondered into the class memorized by the quotes. Shaking my head I started to stumble to leave but the gentleman quickly handed me a binder of paper and a pack of pens. I smiled thanking him with my eyes he nodded going back to speaking to his class not pushing me to do something I was not ready for. That gesture alone actually made me want to do it.

I ended up finding a small patio off to the side of the house. It looked unused and abandoned. I could almost hear the chattering of the ghostly memories of it. As I approached it with caution looking for do not enter signs I noticed there was a beaten up broken chair off in a corner. I pulled it closer to the railing taking a seat watching the rain drip off the chipped beams, Listening to it dig and tap everything it touched. I closed my eyes for a moment feeling as if I was back at home on a rainy day. The rain was inspirational to me, it made my hand pick up and glide across the first blank sheet of paper.

It all started to pour out of me; all my thoughts and fears flooded this piece of paper. Everything I wanted to say, but couldn't, have found its way out. I might have been crying as I wrote but I was starting to feel a lot better.

The familiar sound of muddy boots breaking twigs approaching me made me  automatically shut the booklet quickly smearing away a few stay tears I saw Sgt Lahote soaking wet letting out a breath  relief when he seen me. Everything about him seemed calm, his eyes stayed on me; a hand reached for the railing and he took one long stride of a step still midway in the rain.

When his words finally found there voice I knew he was upset. I just had no idea why. Since last night I have followed all rules, even ate whatever it was that they called breakfast. Maybe Lahote just hated me for some reason. 

"You didn't even last a full 24 hours Black." I frowned not have a single clue what he was talking about I just looked away to ignore him. I didn't want to put up a fight today, I was tired and just wanted to relax here and enjoy the rain. "Do I look like a joke? Is this all a joke to you?" His voice crept closer I turned to see him towering over me his voice was angered but his face screamed worried. Water dripped from his hair rolling down his face to his chin onto my jeans.

My hand had a sudden urge to reach up cupping his cheek with the palm of my hand wanting to comfort him. His eyes closed for only a split second moving quickly away from me. I stood up leaving my pad of paper on the chair. "No I don't think this is a joke." My foot moved forward his stepped back.

"You don't get to do this." Lahote muttered putting his hands up like a shield from me.  A hand threaded through my hair confused as hell. "Do what? I haven't done nanything" Lahote’s eyes narrowed at me stiffing a laugh.

"No? You really want to sit here and lie to my face?"  Blinking rapidly I shook my head offended.

"What?" I spat out turning to grab my pad of paper off the chair. "Are you high Sgt Lahote? How am I lying?"  I sounded like a wounded animal the way he accusing me doing whatever he thinks I did actually hurt me considering I spent all day trying to do right. I even had plans to apologize for my behavior last night but I guess that was something he didn't want to hear either.

"You really are like the rest aren't you?" The question was rhetorical and I wasn't really sure it was directed to me but still I snapped. I don't know what he thought he knew about me but I was about to show him a side of me not many have seen.

"STOP SAYING THAT!" I yelled shoving him in the chest not giving a fuck who he was or what kind of control he held over me. "I have done nothing wrong! I woke up, I ate, I went to my one on one and I stayed here!" The desperation that leaked between my words scared me. I cared what he thought and I needed for him to believe me for someone to believe me.

"Seriously!?  You where here all day long?" He laughed out in total disregards for what I was saying as he pulled his phone out putting it on speaker. "Hey, what time was it that you said you seen Rachel Black?" He asked giving me a hard glare. I stood staring at the phone hugging the stupid pad of paper to me as I listened.

"Ugh fuck I don't know man, like 3. I'm pretty sure it was her."  Lahote brought the phone to his ear turning speaker off. "Sure and pretty sure are to different things did you see her or not!" He snapped keeping a close eye on me.  I gritted my teeth shaking my head hating everything about this probation officer. He had it out for me that much was clear to me.  When he hung up his eyes found mine. I could see an apology forming but I didn't want to hear it I slapped him instead, as hard as I could then sprinted off the deck into to the rain trying to make it into the house so I could try and call Jacob.

I hit an icy patch of grass slipping and falling on my ass I screamed angrily up into the sky throwing the notepad getting soaking wet not even trying to get up. I wanted to give up, doesn’t anyone get that? Lahote ran after me almost falling when trying to come to a stop.  His hand grabbed me by my forearm yanking me up effortlessly pushing me against the wall pinning my arms above me head while I tried with everything I had to fight him off.

"GET OFF ME! You're the reason I even want to use to begin with!" I screamed in his face trying to knee him but he kicked my legs open moving between them so I couldn't move. My chest was rapidly rising and falling against his, I was unable to move.  I had to give up fighting back. The deeper his eyes looked into mine the softer his grip became, I could have wiggled out of it and ran but I just started at him instead.

"So you admit you want to use?" He asked while his grip started to tense I sniffled unable to really tell if I was crying or if it was just the rain falling onto my face. "I have urges when I have bad days. In rehab they say they don't always go away." I muttered beginning openly honest with him, his head dropped letting out a muffled sigh. "I didn't go looking for it." He glanced up letting go of my wrist I guess trusting I wouldn't run.

"You wanted to use because of the way I treated you?" His question had a sad ring to it I felt bad but nodded. "Fuck, what the hell is wrong with me. This has never happened before, why now?"

I had no idea what he was talking about but I still answered him. "You are not listening to me. I know I am a job and a piece of shit for getting myself into all this but your acting like you know all my moves."

Sgt Lahote rubbed the stubble on his chin that looked like he hadn't shaved this morning; actually now that I look at him he had bags under his eyes and looked worn down.  "What’s going on out here?" I jumped hearing my brother’s voice automatically running into his dry arms that he wrapped around me tightly.

"Jakie!" I thought you weren't coming for a while!"  He grinned down at me pushing the wet hair out of my face before turning his glare to Lahote who stood silent over thinking about the conversation we were having.

I looked down not sure what to say when I noticed Jacob assisting the situation. "Why are your wrists red?" Jacob put a finger under my chin to look at him but his eyes where already on Lahote.

I didn't want to get him in trouble. " I fell on an ice patch."

"No tell him the truth, Rachel. I accused her of trying to score after one of my CI's mistaking ID her. She ran off I chased after her." Jacob put a hand up to stop Lahote from talking, my hand tugged on his arm to try to stop him but he shrugged me off. "That's doesn't give you any fucking right to lay a hand on her!"  Jacob barked out both of them eying each other.

"Jacob, I deserved it. I slapped him."  I ran between the two of them.

"She is my charge Jacob, She gets no special treatment." Lahote and Jacob both ignored me even with both hands out on each of there chests. Jacob pulled me to him looking down at me, trying to collapse any anger. "Why would you hit him Talo! For fucks sake what is wrong with you?" I shook my head losing my voice, hating to see him like that with me and not having an answer.

I heard Sgt Lahote sigh before forcing himself to speak. “I deserved it Lt. I accused her without making sure the ID was positive. It was a misunderstanding on both our parts and she was the one to eat the consequence." Jacob lifted a brow in his direction narrowing his eyes. "And what about Sgt Lahote? Are you going to be baring any consequence for her wrist?"

"Jacob, stop it!" I finally was able to speak up above a whisper. "You're blowing this whole thing up! This is why I have a hard time talking to you, please calm down!" Jacob turned to look at me frowning cupping my face in his hands letting out a loud defeated sigh.

"Jacob Black!" His head shot up like a dog hearing a whistle and he turned seeing someone behind him. I didn’t even try to see who it was. I avoided looking at Lahote again but still felt bad for my actions.

"I'm sorry." We both said at the same time making us both lightly laugh. I shook my head walking back towards him, as he tugged me under the bit of shelter there was from the rain. "I never gave you a chance, and for that I am sorry. It's just…"

"It’s just that I am a case, or a charge as you put it, I get it. You have to look at me a certain way to do your job. You're not my friend or therapist, you're the law. A line shouldn't be crossed, I am sorry."
Lahote looked at me, his eyes seemed to be searching mine and when he didn't correct me I left it as it was.

Jacob made his way back over to us shaking his head and ranting to himself about all parole officers being dick heads and he tossed an arm around my shoulder walking me back inside and to my room. "Get dressed in dry clothes and meet me down stairs Talo." He shut the door when he walked out, I peeled my drenched shirt off glancing out the window I seen Sue running off after Lahote who was about to get in his car. He was shaking his head and she looked like she was pleading with him to come inside. Sue of course won and Lahote came back to the house.

I quickly changed, running a brush through my hair trying to get the knots out, wondering what that was all about. I was sure it was about me and that he would also be waiting for me with Jacob but when I got down stairs, my PO was nowhere to be found. Jacob stood when I jumped off the last step smiling at me. "I thought you might want to see Dad since you haven't been since the funeral." Jacob sounded hopeful but that was the last thing I wanted to do right now.

"I can't." I mumbled like a child avoiding any eye contact with him.

"You can. You're allowed to go it will make you feel better I promise." He started to walk towards me but I shook my head. "NO Jacob, no I do not want to go."  I moved up a few steps I could tell he was confused as he tried to come closer to me.

"You need to come see him, he was a damn good father and you need to understand he is gone." Jacob tried to voice reason but I sat on the steps refusing to leave with him. "Talo. What happened why are you being like this? Dad never did anything to hurt you." Jacob knelt down in front of me speaking with caution caressing my cheek. "I know that. I am very aware that his is dead. You wouldn't understand." A barely audible whisper left my lips.  Jacob sighed sitting next to me but I inched away not wanting him to touch me. He sighed and inched away to give me space. "I'm just not ready ok? Please try to understand."

"I'm trying. I have been trying to understand since this whole thing happened but you won't talk to me, you wont open up to me like you used to. "Jacob complained sounding more frustrated I sat quiet trying to find a way out of this.

"Maybe it's just not easy to talk about for her without the emotion over taking her. Since the hospital she has people in her face every couple hours on her ass about how she feels and why she feels it. I think Rachel just needs a breather." I was completely shocked to see Sgt Lahote standing there, and even more surprised when Jacob stood up and agreed with him. Jacob kissed my cheek looked at me a long moment and smiled.

"I'll stop by soon and I am always a phone call away." Jacob said to me but gave Lahote a warning look just as Sue passed by trying not to notice us but I saw her grin suspiciously when she rounded the corner.
I smiled and nodded at him, Sgt Lahote took his seat clasping his hands together leaning in on his elbows. I didn't know if I should get up or say thank you.

"I wasn't being fair to you. You are supposed to trust me and be able to come to me if and when you get yourself into a jam. I guess you remind me of someone I once knew a long time ago and I took it out on you. I said no special treatment but I shouldn't treat you worst either." When he spoke he didn't look at me he was staring at the wall witch made me frown.

It was as if no one could really see me anymore. I felt invisible. I wasn't even worth to be looked in the eyes because of a few bad choices.  I was never one to sit back and let others treat me badly; I always made sure I was herd. So you tell me why now I feel like I don't deserve to be heard or seen for that matter. My arms crossed as I exhaled a sigh look through the stairs railing to the floor.

"You know I remember you in school, such a loud ass little girl." Paul laughed making my side glance over at him. It had been a while ago, but I still did not remembering seeing him around. "I am not a little girl anymore. But I am still loud. “I snorted a laugh at the double meaning. “You sure the fuck did grow up.” His deepened tone made me blush and look away fully from him.

"I don't remember seeing you, I am sure I would have noticed you." I finally looked over with crimson cheeks earning a grin from Lahote.

"No? I was the jock. Football, basketball..." He grinned trying to get me to remember I laughed covering my mouth nodding.

"Oh yeah you're the older boy to play with little Jakie!" I couldn't help but to laugh hard teasing him.

"Whoa hold on missy, we did not 'play' we worked on cars" He was laughing but I could tell his ego was kind of wounded.

"Same thing" I laughed harder at the look on his face, I laughed so hard my side started to hurt. I couldn't even remember when the last time I laughed this hard was.

"I don't know why you’re laughing so hard. For being a native, down to earth Talo, you were snotty as hell." I smiled trying to act offended. He went on making me smile wider. "Like oh my god, he actually thought I would date a guy like him. Yeah. Right. I totally laughed at him; I mean I do feel like bad but just eww."  His  mocking tone and over the top girly hand gestures made me laugh so hard I had to try to get up to pee but just couldn't fully stand. Lahote laughed but not as hard, he was just sitting there
looking at me with a hard chuckle.

"I don't think I sounded like that back then." I tried to defend myself, but I knew I was guilty. Lahote wined at me when my laughter finally calmed down. "Naw, you where the cool chick, girls wanted to be you and boys wanted to date you. No shame in that."

"And now?" I asked with a half a smile wanting an honest answer.

Lahote smiled leaning against the wall looking at me seriously before answering. "And now you're going to find your true self and learn to live a healthy life. No more hurting yourself. You have a lot of people who care."

My shoulders shrugged giving him a forced smile just as the lunch bell (which was Sue, literally ringing a bell) went off. Lahote grunted standing up. "I got to go check in on other cases and you have chores after lunch. Call me phone day or night if needed. If not I'll see you tomorrow. Stay out of trouble and don't keep so closed off. Talk to people. Make a friend. That's an order."

I stood up watching up hesitantly turn to leave. I was glad I got to see him as a person for a few minutes and not as Mr. Robocop. I rubbed my eyes ready for a nap but did what was expected of me instead of what I wanted and to be honest I think that was really a first for me.